Do You Expect Your Marriage To Be Easy?

Adam seemed to feel this way—and it’s understand-able before the entrance of sin into the world. When he first saw the woman God had created to be his companion, he could not contain his joy: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen. 2:23). Somewhere deep inside, Adam appreciated that the woman, being formed by God from Adam’s own flesh to be his helper, would meet needs of companionship, support, and pleasure like nothing else God had created. And she would, for God saw that it was “not good that the man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18), and in his compassion, God created the perfect mate for Adam.

Adam’s expectations were as high as they could be on that first day, for he had not yet been corrupted by sin and seen its consequences. But his understandable, even righteous, naiveté did not keep him from the harsh realities to come. The pretty picture of friendship and intimacy tragically and violently falls apart in Genesis 3.

Did God make a mistake? Did he not see that this woman’s weakness in judgment would lead mankind into destruction? Did he not see that the marriage between Adam and Eve would be harder than they could have ever imagined? They literally gave up paradise to struggle for every mouthful of food.

No marriage has ever been easy. The amazing thing is that we always seem to expect it will be for us.

Love in a Land of Easy

Of course, marriage is not the problem. Sin is the problem. Sin makes every marriage hard.

Apparently, then, God didn’t create marriage to make life easy. He created it to unfold beauty, depth, strength, and love that could never be discovered in a land of “easy.” God created marriage to help us know what real love looks like.

The Best Marriage and Worst Bride

We, the church, have the unspeakable privilege of being the bride of Christ (Eph. 5:25; Rev. 19:7–9). In this marriage, we see love like Hosea’s—lavishly poured on the bride by her groom, even when she scorns him, reviles him, and seeks her pleasure in others (Hos. 2:14–23). We see a love that never gives up, no matter how often the bride runs to lesser gods to seek joy that can only be found in the true Bridegroom (Rom. 8:38–39). We see that Groom’s breathtaking, unexplainable sacrificial love unto death in order to keep and preserve a bride—a bride who daily seems to consider that gift less important than the comparatively insignificant earthly needs she expects him to fill today (Rom. 5:8; Isa. 53:1–12).

This is not a pretty picture. But paradoxically, it is a stunningly beautiful one. The harder God is willing to fight to demonstrate his love, the more beautiful it becomes.

Why God Gave You Marriage

Marriage—and all very hard things we experience in this life—are a means God has devised to help us drink deeply of the immeasurable glory of genuine love. We would never see this beauty and depth strolling down an easy road. Persistent, striving, overcoming effort fueled by the sustaining power of our Creator God ultimately yields deep joy and satisfaction that selfish, spoiling, “easy” love would never experience or display. The best picture we have of this is the cross. Praise God that Jesus didn’t expect his marriage to his bride to be easy. But because he was faithful in the hardest, ugliest marriage ever, we may now enjoy pleasures forevermore.

In marriage, God calls you to display the love that God has shown you to the precious person made in his image that he has joined you to. God hasn’t encouraged you to seek all your satisfaction from your spouse—only God can be the source of your satisfaction. But God has called you to show your spouse and others what God’s love looks like. Not love between sinless people, but grace-filled, patient, and forgiving love. Love like Christ’s. What a high and holy calling. Husbands and wives who understand this will find that the hardest things they endure together are indeed some of the most beautiful and sanctifying.

TALK ABOUT IT

Do you believe your marriage will “be different,” that others may have difficulty, but yours will be easy?

Talk honestly about how your marriage is proving different than you expected.