12 – Out-Serve Each Other

By SARAH LEGBAND

 

“…just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28)

Our pastor once said that if you want to have a great marriage, you have to out-serve your spouse. I am a mom to two adorable children and often it feels like I serve my kids all day long. I joke that you can tell you love your kids when you’re always reheating your coffee–because you never have time to drink it due to always catering to the next request!

Anyway, I’ve found that even though I absolutely love my husband, at the end of the day I’m toast. Unless I’m intentionally thinking about it, I’m sad to say that I don’t naturally rise up to serve him. However, when I heard my pastor talk about this, it helped bring it more into focus for me. It’s how Jesus loves: “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28)

My husband loves back rubs and he has this sneaky way of silently asking me to rub his back. When we are watching a movie, he’ll somehow end up sitting on the floor right in front of me. Or if we are driving somewhere, he reaches for my hand and gently pulls it up to rest on his neck. This used to drive me a little bonkers. I would think, “If I wanted to rub your neck, I would be doing it already.” But in all reality, I needed his help to communicate his needs with me and then I needed to change my attitude of selfishness to selflessness and rub his back because I want to bless him. He loves it and I love him.

Now, thanks to my pastor’s advice, I try to out-serve Joshua. I try and rub his neck before he silently asks. I put away his clothes that didn’t get hung up the night before. I put out his breakfast ingredients before he comes downstairs instead of just getting my coffee and food for the kids.

Have I mastered this? Nope. Do these little things even matter? Yep. I believe they do. Jesus can use our every effort to serve our spouse to radically change our marriage!

And I believe that it’s all about intentionality and practice. Serving one another is a Biblical principle that I can use in my marriage daily. And the more I try to out-serve him (which is actually pretty hard because he’s an amazing servant and always thinking of me) the more joy I have in our marriage. It’s simply supernatural: God’s super with our natural.

 

 

TALK ABOUT IT

What are some ways your spouse serves you and makes you feel loved?

What are some practical things that make you feel loved that your spouse might not be aware of? How can you better communicate your needs?

Think of ways to out-serve your spouse today!

 

 

Sarah and her husband Josh, a financial advisor, have enjoyed 13 years of marriage and have two beautiful children. They love going on dates, exploring Minneapolis, and leading at their church in the marriage and moms ministries.