16 – Sweeter & Sweeter

By RUTH BUEZIS

 

“A loving doe, a graceful deer–may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” (Proverbs 5:19)

When I got married, I didn’t know that sex with my husband would be so much better after 28 years of marriage than it was at 2 years of marriage – but it is. Sex just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter. But it hasn’t always been this way.

Fireworks flew at our honeymoon because we had already spent a year practicing. We crossed lines that we shouldn’t have and reveled in the purely physical pleasures of sex. But there was no foundation for moving forward. Buried underneath were sin, silence, and a lack of understanding that would eventually turn into guilt, resentment, and frustration. As kids came and busyness took over I became the gate-keeper.

It wasn’t until I took a study on Song of Songs that I woke up and realized how much we were missing. Sex was not supposed to be this purely physical thing that took place in the silence of the dark. Sex was supposed to be a holy sacred experience where we danced naked and unashamed in the light. We began the hard work of undoing the damage we carried and creating the intimacy God desired. We read Sheet Music by Kevin Leman and as things came up we talked about them. I shared secrets from my past that I still carried in shame and we prayed over them. We both repented and prayed over crossing lines before marriage that we knew we shouldn’t have crossed. We also began talking about physical challenges and struggles in sex and working through them.

Things got better, but it wasn’t until a fitful night of feeling unsatisfied and realizing my poor husband would never meet all of my needs – only God could – that things really began to change. I released my husband from the ball and chain of trying to make me happy and I realized my dependence on God.

We brought God into deeper levels of our marriage by starting to pray and read the Bible together. We learned about God’s design for sex and stepped into it. Sometimes we become one because we need to get on the same page or communicate something that we cannot communicate with words. Sometimes it’s about going on a journey to see what we can discover about each other – physically, emotionally, spiritually. Sometimes we reach out to comfort or restore each other when we know we are hurting. Sometimes we just enjoy the pleasure that God has blessed our bodies with. When we have sex we are 100% present – mind, body, and soul – and we experience a freedom with each other that I never dreamed possible.

Proverbs 5:19 says, “She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.” (NLT. Emphasis added.)

Don’t believe the lie that sex in marriage is supposed to get boring. Yes, there will be ebbs and flows, and times that you need to adapt. But God’s design is to know each other through sex, so shouldn’t sex get better and better?

 

TALK ABOUT IT

Share with each other what general messages you’ve received about sex from the media, family, church, or other places.

Is sex a topic that is difficult for you to talk about? Why? How can you help each other tear down communication barriers regarding sex?

What are some of the physical challenges of sex that you have experienced? Pray over them together and commit to help find solutions.

 

 

Ruth Buezis has been married to her husband Jim for 28 years and has 4 amazing daughters. 5 years ago she felt called by God to encourage others in their sex life and since then she has taught over 400 couples to build intimacy in their marriages God’s way. You can find information about classes or follow her blog at Awaken-Love.net