17 – The Same Team
By JAMES PECK
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)
One time when Lisa and I were in an argument I began to realize that I was right. This didn’t happen very often–not the fight part, even though that has become less as we’ve grown together–but that this time I was winning. It’s amazing that when you love someone, especially when you become one with them, if you win at their expense, you are truly injuring yourself.
So as I was making amazing and eloquent point after point, I realized that Lisa got more and more quiet. It wasn’t long before I saw a tear building in her eye. That should have been my cue to rush to her side, to hug her and remind her of how much I love her and how secure she is in our love. Instead I said, “Aww man! I can’t ever win these arguments, even when I’m right, I’m wrong!” Lisa’s reply completely knocked the fight out of me; she said, “I can’t believe you are trying to win something with me.”
I had been seeing Lisa as an opponent and I was just trying to score points. She saw me as part of herself though, and she was working hard to communicate with me, to understand, and grow closer together.
Paul gave this advice to the Ephesians: “You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly.” (Ephesians 4:2 MSG) There is enough opposition as we travel through life, but the blessing of marriage is that we are called by God to stay on the same team.
TALK ABOUT IT
Are there specific things your spouse does that make you feel like the opponent in a conflict?
When you think about your most recent argument, can you think of one thing you (not your spouse) should/could have done differently?
With the understanding that conflict and disagreement are a normal part of marriage, what would make you feel like you’re on the same team?
James and Lisa Peck are Associate Pastors at Redeeming Love Church and serve at their children’s school in White Bear Lake.
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