19 – Head, Shoulders, Knees And Toes

By JEFF ZAUGG

 

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21)

We all want our marriages to thrive. We desire strong, life-giving, passionate connection with our spouse. Through 10 years of learning from mentors, friends, and our own marital challenges and joys, we’ve identified four simple daily practices that help us to thrive:

HEAD: Where is my attention focused? Where am I looking? What am I putting my time and energy and heart towards? Matthew 6:21 says: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” If I treasure my wife and I focus on her, my heart will grow more and more love and passion for her. As our pastor shared on our wedding day, “Feelings follow focus.” The more energy I put towards something, the more I’m going to want it. If I nurture anything on a regular basis, my desire for it will increase. You can’t fall out of love, but you absolutely can fall out of focus. Choose daily to focus on, attend to, and invest in your marriage. The feelings will follow your focus and the desires will follow your attention.

SHOULDERS: Who are your close inner-circle of friends? Who are the couples – the men and the women who have their arms around your shoulders – who will encourage and cheer you on? Who will challenge you and carry you when you’re struggling? The Bible says: “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another”. (Hebrews 10:24-25) An awesome way to keep your marriage healthy is to continue investing in your relationships with family and friends. We are designed to live in relationship and marriage does not replace the need for a community of people who surround you.

KNEES: Seek your Heavenly Father. Get on your knees daily to pray and listen and seek God. Kneeling is a universal sign for humility, honor, and respect. Pray for each other and pray with one another. Jeremiah 33:3 says: “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Our Heavenly Father loves when we pray to him. Get on your knees and pray daily.

TOES: Just as Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, we need to choose humility and choose to serve daily. Jesus says: “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet…Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” (John 13:14,17) Every day choose to serve again and again and again. Serve your spouse and serve others. The natural tendency for every person is a strong pull towards self. We are all naturally selfish and marriage helps reveal the extent that we have been living self-focused. Choose daily to fight against selfishness by washing feet. Choose humility. When everything inside of you is yelling “Give me space” or “I’m frustrated” remember “TOES.” Lovingly do as Jesus did and go scrub some toes.

Just as the classic nursery song repeats the last two parts: Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes, Knees & Toes, I believe that in our marriages we need to keep kneeling in prayer and serving each other over and over again. And if you now have that song stuck in your head, you’re welcome; let it remind you of these truths.

 

TALK ABOUT IT

Which of these four concepts do you tend to focus on most: head, shoulders, knees or toes?

Can you think of a practical change you and your spouse could make to allow yourselves to grow in one of these areas? For example, how could you spend more time in prayer or find ways to serve others?

 

 

Jeff and Michelle have been married for 10 years and have an adorable daughter with another one on the way. When not teaching his 2-year old the basics of water-skiing, Jeff loves serving his Substance Church community as Campus Pastor.