20 – You Can’t Make Me Happy

By DEBBIE STOESZ

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

We were newlyweds and within the first few weeks of our married life we moved to California away from everyone and everything I had ever known. At first, it seemed perfect to be away from all the familiar people and places. After all, I was with the love of my life and getting away seemed like such a great idea to cement our relationship. But it didn’t take long for the loneliness to set in.

What a shock to discover that my new husband wasn’t enough! I was getting lonelier by the day and started to get quite unhappy. I remember talking to God about it. I loved journaling my thoughts so that I didn’t have to burden my new husband with my unhappiness. Imagine his surprise when he found out that he couldn’t meet my every need and make me happy every moment! But that’s where God met me.

I discovered that it is quite an impossible task for one person to supply every need. I was forced to face the fact that God is the one that supplies my need. I also learned that the expectations that I was putting on my husband were not drawing us closer together but rather driving us apart!

I felt God was showing me that He alone can meet my needs. “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19) I also learned that I needed to reach out for what I needed from others, mainly female relationships. There are just some things you need to share with girls that can help you sort out your feelings. Meeting these needs the right way allows you to then not look “to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:4)

I learned not to depend on my husband alone to meet my needs, and now 35 years later we are still happily married!

TALK ABOUT IT

Have you been surprised by the fact that you can’t meet all of your spouse’s needs and neither can she/he meet all of yours? Talk about it.

In what ways do you rely on your spouse to meet your needs? Are any of these unrealistic expectations?

How can you lean more on God to meet these needs in a different way?

Debbie and Roger Stoesz have 3 grown kids and 3 grandchildren. Together they have led a thriving Alpha course at their church for the past 7 years which has seen over 1,500 people deepen their relationship with God.