25 – The Secret Sauce – Part 3: Share Everything!

By RAFAEL ANTONIO ROBERT

 

“Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:25)

As a general rule, I don’t lead off devotionals with references to naked couples… but we’ll make an exception here. It might even make this the best one yet! I’ve shared what we believe to be the two key ingredients in the secret sauce to happy marriages: gratitude and generosity. I want to share one more principle that my wife and I agree has been critical to our relationship: openly talking about and sharing everything. After all, cooking up a complicated meal can be challenging on our own. When we share the work with someone else, it goes more smoothly and usually makes the meal that much better!

Kelly and I have always been committed to total partnership in our relationship which has required us to talk about everything. Now for you introverts and non-communicators out there, don’t freak out on me. I used to marvel at how my wife and her friends could literally talk for hours on end, fully engaged in rapturous conversation about Lord knows what while my friends gathered in silence, having exhausted every sports and news headline from the previous day in about 20 minutes. Ok, I’m totally exaggerating but you know what I mean–some people are just naturally great communicators. But even quiet introverts can light up a conversation for hours about something that is important to them. So thanks to my wife’s giftedness in this area, over the last 20 years we’ve spent a ton of time talking about our relationship, friendships, families, finances, intimacy, parenting, you name it. We even talk about communication and how we talk to each other!

It has not always been easy or comfortable, but we have experienced the blessings of working through the most important topics towards alignment, not always consensus, but agreement on what we want for our lives. And when we fail and fight, we always press on and never walk away. Ephesians 4:26-27 says “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ok, we don’t always resolve things before bed time–and taking a break from discussions or arguments that are going nowhere fast is actually a great practice. But we always awake, with better perspective, to work through it. Of course, it always goes better when we apply the secret sauce of gratitude and generosity. That healthy, ongoing communication has helped us tackle life as a team!

And sharing the good stuff is not enough. We share everything. We’ve chosen to talk about the awkward, the embarrassing, and the stuff we’re ashamed of, to our benefit in the end. In my work, we help couples improve their relationships by improving their relationship with money. And it is shocking to hear that in about 1/3 of marriages there is ‘financial infidelity’ where one spouse is keeping something from their partner. But I can’t judge! I’ve made mistakes and we’ve made our own mistakes. Often it is shame that leads us to hide something from each other. Shame is another one of the devil’s footholds… and not God’s design for our relationships.

We were created to live in and steward God’s creation together and to live in loving relationship with God and one another. The first couple was naked; they hid nothing from each other… and they felt no shame. They lived in the blessings of God’s will for their lives and I imagine they walked around the garden, talking for hours on end, about only Lord knows what.

 

TALK ABOUT IT

What are some of your biggest differences in communication?

What are some areas that you and your spouse could be talking about more? Pick just one and set a date to talk about it. Make it positive and be sure to celebrate your success!

 

 

Rafael and Kelly have been married 18 years and have two children. Kelly is a teacher at a small Christian pre-school and Rafa has a BA in Religion and an MA in Counseling and serves as director of Brightpeak’s Love & Money Project helping young Christian couples improve their relationships by improving their relationship with money. Both volunteer their time in various ministries at Wooddale Church in Eden Prairie, MN.