28 – Friendly Fire

By JILL REED

 

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18)

Sometimes in relationships, tempers flare and feelings get hurt for all sorts of valid or for completely bizarre reasons. You didn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste. Your spouse forgot to get the bread you texted four times for him to pick up. You can’t believe you have to show your wife how to upload pictures again when you just showed her step-by-step a few months ago. Your spouse can’t seem to appreciate all the work you do around the house.

How easily words and accusations can slip from our traitorous tongues! We call this friendly fire. If you’re not familiar with friendly fire, it’s when soldiers on the same side accidentally fire at each other. Injury and death follow. You, in your marriage, have become one. “…at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)

If you win a fight through cruel words and unkind deeds, then you haven’t actually won. You’ve only injured yourself. What good does it do you to “win the fight” with your spouse, when you’re one flesh? You are united in purpose and in love, and your fight should be pointed outward. It’s not me against you, it’s us against them. You are a team. You are one. So remember this when you see the toothpaste cap off, and respond accordingly. Kindly remind them. Kindly listen. Your tongue can bring life or death, and when you face your spouse in an argument you should first weigh the cost of using that weapon before you cut them with it. “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18)

 

TALK ABOUT IT

How were words used in your families growing up–to uplift or to tear down?

How does this affect your tendencies in speaking with your spouse?

Talk about some phrases that each of you finds particularly encouraging, as well as phrases that each of you finds hurtful.

 

 

Jill and Matt Reed are a creative entrepreneurial couple who love raising their two boys in the Twin Cities, capturing Minnesota life through photography, and serving churches statewide through student ministry resources.