30 – MESSY MIRACLES

By JOY BALLARD

 

“Love is patient, love is kind…It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4,7-8)

Over the last several years, my husband and I have developed a passion for marriage–not just our marriage, but marriage in general. It all started when we were asked to help get more younger couples involved in the marriage ministry at the church we were a part of. Even though we were only a few years into marriage ourselves, the leaders of that ministry who were at least a couple decades older than us, considered us better equipped to reach our own age-group than they were. So our first attempt was to start a small group in our home. We called it The Newlywed group and picked out a great marriage study DVD to go through. We didn’t consider ourselves experts in any way (and still don’t) but with both of us growing up as pastor’s kids in healthy homes, we felt like we could handle a few young newlywed couples that were just fresh into building their marriage foundation. I mean, how many serious problems can anyone have that early in their marriage?

Well nothing could have prepared us for the seven couples who attended our small group! Over half of the men had served time in prison, there were couples in their second and third marriages, step-kids and ex-spouses were a common topic of conversation, and sex lives were a mess. And there we were, the only two faithful rule-following church kids who didn’t even kiss until our wedding. You better believe there were moments when I thought, what in the world are we doing? These people are using words I have never even heard before!

One of the things we have learned in our years of doing marriage ministry since that first small group is that some of the sweetest miracles happen in the messiest places. We pressed on with that first group of couples and saw incredible growth happen! We saw harmful habits being dealt with, fragile relationships strengthened, maturity and responsibility where there weren’t any before. And we knew for a fact it wasn’t our knowledge or great leadership skills since we had none. It was the simple willingness to extend hospitality and generosity, loving and welcoming people no matter their background.

Since then, we have seen many more stories like that and every time a couple chooses to commit to the hard work of getting their marriage to a healthy place, God gives them not only fresh beginnings, healing and peace, but also a marriage that’s so much better than before. I personally have never understood the depth of God’s heart for us as well as when I’ve walked with close friends through the pain of infidelity and watched them choose to extend love, grace and forgiveness to their spouse. Being witnesses of the healing process and the new love that springs forth like spring flowers after the hardest winter, is a breathtaking miracle.

Marriage is one of the most sacred and intricate descriptions of God’s love that we have here on Earth. It doesn’t matter what your past or current struggles are, there is always hope and there is always healing. The road may be a difficult one, but it’s absolutely worth it. Ground yourselves in a healthy local church and surround yourselves with people who are for you as a couple, not just for you individually.

 

TALK ABOUT IT

What kind of community do you have around you? Do they add healthy or unhealthy perspectives to your marriage?

Are there areas in your relationship or your personal life that could be healthier but require some hard work on your part?

How can your spouse be an encouragement to you in this area?

 

 

Joy and Andrew Ballard love life in the Twin Cities with their three young children and have dedicated the last 5 years of their life to marriage ministry in their local church. They are passionate about inspiring life-giving community among marriages and seeing couples thrive.