5 – How Is Your Heart?

By MANDY NELSON

 

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)

My husband and I had very different pre-marriage stories. We were both caught up in different things. My things were churchy and his things were not, and we both brought our junk into our marriage.

What immediately drew me to my husband was that he saw me. He saw through my act. He saw I was tired. He saw what no one else saw. He was willing to challenge me and he was after my heart the way Jesus so desperately chases after ours. He was not churchy, but he understood the heart of the law. On the other hand, I was a little too concerned about the letter of the law. Little did I know that God was going to shine a light on my religious scars through my husband and set me free in a way I never dreamed.

Right away in the first year of our marriage it was like our individual sin just made this explosive concoction. All of a sudden, I resented his past. I blamed our marriage problems on him. His sin was so easy to point out and mine was more devious and hidden. So in my mind and heart, he was the bad one and I was the good one. Our problems were his fault. I kept thinking back to men I could have married, and the divide just keep growing.

One night, I knew in my spirit that the Holy Spirit was at work. I asked Him to help me love my husband. I was so lonely and tired of doing it on my own. All I heard in reply to my plea was a question: “What is one thing your husband did today that you appreciated?” The only thing I could think of at the time was that he hung up some pictures I wanted on the wall even though he didn’t want to. He was mad at me and protecting himself, and I was hurt and protecting myself. But he still did something for me. That’s where it started…giving God permission to help me see another way.

I didn’t realize at the time how much distrust I had of God. All I knew was that deep down I had so much anger and hurt. And slowly but surely, God showed me the real issues going on in my heart. He started to lovingly show me the lies I was clinging to that were keeping me in the dark. I was able to start taking off the masks and start dealing with my real issues, and this allowed me to love my husband again. It helped me see his sin in a different light. We were both a mess in need of grace. It helped me to no longer blame him. It freed me from the darkness that seemed to cling to me. It was the first step on my road to freedom.

Let me tell you, when you let God deal with your own heart, and you trust that He is able to deal with the heart of your spouse, it frees you from fear, anger, control, and all kinds of taxing emotions. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23) Other Bible versions say “watch over your heart.” What is the state of your heart?

Confession, forgiveness, communication, grace, and lots of prayer are what have gotten my husband and I through six and a half years of marriage. It has allowed us to grow closer to one another through each new trial we have faced: family issues, infertility, ectopic pregnancies, past and present scars, and so much more.

Let God lead. Let Him free your heart and you will be surprised at what He teaches you through marriage. You will be amazed at how perfect a gift your spouse is for you.

 

TALK ABOUT IT

What first drew your heart toward your spouse?

Is there a lie that you have been clinging to that has tempted you to protect or withhold your heart from your spouse?

Through prayer, give God permission to heal any areas in your heart that need healing.

 

 

Lee and Mandy live in Willmar, Minnesota with their fur baby Izzy. Lee is the owner of Nelson Landscaping and Construction and Mandy is the owner and personal trainer of Fit With Mandy.