Superior Women — And The Men Who Can’t Out-Give Them

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.

–Proverbs 12:4

Near the end of his classic book Democracy in America, Alexis De Tocqueville said this:

Now that I am drawing to the close of this work, in which I have spoken of so many important things done by the Americans, to what the singular prosperity and growing strength of that people ought mainly to be attributed, I should reply: To the superiority of their women.

Now the point in bringing this up is not to make any claims about the essential nature of Americans, who are sinners like everybody else, or to get moderns to trip over the word superiority. Rather, the point is a simple one—during a critical time in our nation’s development, the women had a remarkable impact, and that (given the times) the potency of their virtue had little to do with many of the tricks that we use today to “empower women.”

A godly wife does not just adorn herself; she adorns her husband. She is a crown of glory. She does this as a virtuous woman, and this is precious, in part, because of its comparative rarity. If it were easy, more would be happy to be virtuous. So at the heart of an adorned and adorning wife is her deep and abiding fear of God.

The Bible describes a woman who is graced with wisdom and kindness in these terms: “A gracious woman retaineth honor: and strong men retain riches” (Prov. 11:16, KJV ). Just as riches flow to a strong man, so also honor flows to a gracious woman. So a woman is the crown and glory of her husband to the extent that she is a gracious woman. If she is, then she retains honor as one who has fulfilled her calling.

Doing this, she completes her husband: God has said that it is not good for him to be alone, but also that it would be better for him to be alone than to have an ungracious wife. A gracious woman completes her husband.

She reverences her husband, which is not a servile fear, but rather a wholesome and godly reverence. Anyone who thinks that this demeans women needs to get out more. She does not honor him the way a serf honors the king, but rather honors him the way a crown honors a king. A gracious woman honors her husband.

And living this way, she does good to her husband. As he provides for her, she manages his household well. “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Prov. 31:12). A gracious woman enriches her husband.

As the quotation from De Tocqueville indicates, when women are virtuous, people notice. Where does this come from? The apostle Paul tells us that a man who loves his wife loves himself (Eph. 5:28).

Godly marriage is designed in such a way as to make it impossible for a man to out-give his wife. This is not because he gets to be the selfish one, but rather this is for the same reason an industrious farmer cannot possibly out-give his field. If a man sacrifices himself for his wife, as Christ did for the church, he will find that she is his thirty, sixty, and one-hundred fold. As his glory, she brings out his strengths.

She is where his strengths are manifested and come back to bless him.

TALK ABOUT IT

A godly marriage can make it “impossible for a man to out-give his wife.” Do you believe this is true? If so, what kinds of sacrifice should that inspire in a husband?

And what kind of motivation should that give a wife?