9 – BFF

By JOY BALLARD

 

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

There is something uniquely transcendent about marriage; it offers a sacred and intricate connection that single people long for. Some of you right now think I am talking about the three-letter word that starts with s and ends with ex. While that is definitely transcendent, I am talking about a ten-letter word: friendship.

Maybe, like me, you had your share of friend drama as a kid. Friendship can be so incredible and so brutal at times. Many of us have been blessed to have experienced some awesome friendships in our lives, but all of us have longed at some time or another for a real friend–someone safe, who knows us, loves us and who will do anything to help us reach our potential. Cue: marriage.

Although it has jokingly been defined as the opportunity to annoy that one special person for the rest of your life, marriage is such a gift because it signifies all the depth, intimacy, loyalty and love that no other friendship could offer. Ultimately, we know that God is the only one who can completely meet our needs, but how amazing that through marriage He has given us the opportunity to have a glimpse of the kind of relationship that He longs to have with us. Marriage is used in the Bible as an example of the relationship between Jesus and the church, which is us. The fact that we get to exemplify to the world what the love of God looks like through our marriages should give us all a deeper level of respect and honor for our spouse.

So back to friendship. When you think about all the day-to-day components that make up a normal marriage–work, meals, conversation, bills, electronics, errands, parenting, socializing, deadlines, and more–the list sounds pretty drab. Without the planning, dreaming, dating, and making-out that their relationship probably revolved around before marriage, it’s no wonder so many couples end up acting more like roommates than lovers. But if you add the context of a deep friendship-kind-of-love to that daily list that makes up most of our lives, it completely changes the tone.

Romantic date-night love is awesome. Sex love is incredible. But friendship love is what turns boring into adventure, monotony into laughter, challenges into strengths. I’m not suggesting that we should live in a constant state of Broadway musical bliss. Life certainly has its share of ups and downs, yet isn’t this what we wanted when we got married…to not go through life alone? When we remember to treat each other like best friends and to do the work to maintain that friendship, then we can approach life together with a better perspective.

When Andrew and I were newlyweds, we both worked long hours and opposite schedules. The limited windows of time that we both had off together were often filled with errands and trips to the grocery store. We didn’t have money or time for regular date nights, so we decided to change our perspective about the time we did have together and choose to have fun, no matter what we were doing. I still remember those late night grocery store runs and all the conversations and laughter we shared while picking out new salad dressings or figuring out which cheese was on sale. And to this day, even date nights out on the town sometimes pale in light of the fun times we have shared together over everyday stuff.

It is way too easy to allow the ones we love the most to get the worst of us. Let’s not forget to be best friends forever, to give each other our best, lift each other up the way only a spouse knows how, and be devoted to one another in love. (Rom. 12:10)

 

TALK ABOUT IT

What are some of your favorite memories of becoming each other’s friend?

What are some qualities of true friendship that mean the most to you?

What are some current tasks or situations that you can tackle with a different perspective together?

 

 

Joy and Andrew Ballard love life in the Twin Cities with their three young children and have dedicated the last 5 years of their life to marriage ministry in their local church. They are passionate about inspiring life-giving community among marriages and seeing couples thrive.