Buy Me Flowers

By ANGELIQUE VACCARO

 

Every spring when I see tulips, it fills me with joy. It reminds me of my childhood and a book I used to read which had beautiful pictures of tulip gardens in the French countryside. I wished deep down that if I said it out loud to my husband, he would buy me some. It was two weeks ago that I told him that if he wants to make me happy he could buy me tulips because they really bring me joy (especially after the long winters we have here in Minnesota.) I decided to wait a little longer but nothing happened. I was scared the tulips would be gone if I waited any longer, and every time I went to the store, I was tempted to buy them myself… until I did!

I wanted it to come from him, I wanted my husband to surprise me with a bouquet. I wanted him to want to please me! When he is inattentive, it makes me feel like I don’t matter. Insecurities arise in me and I wonder if he really knows me or if he really cares. I know flowers are futile for men. I usually don’t care much about getting flowers myself, except tulips in the spring, because they are so special to me. 

But the fact is that it has nothing to do with my husband not knowing me. I suppose he is just confused, because I say I don’t really like flowers and then I want them! To him, I change my mind all the time and he does not know what to do anymore. (I admit, I am very complicated!) I just wish he listened when I told him I wanted some… But that’s okay, because I bought the tulips anyway, and they still brought me joy! Luther Burbank (botanist, horticulturist, and pioneer in agricultural science) said: “Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul.” He is right! I should not put the responsibility for my happiness on someone else’s shoulders, even if that someone is my husband. It is not fair, especially if I don’t communicate my needs in a way he can understand. Of course, it would mean the world if my husband brings me joy by surprising me with a bouquet of tulips once a year. But if he does not, it’s okay too. I can’t change him!

My point is that most of the time, it’s not about the flowers (it could be something else.) It’s about the thoughtfulness behind it. To me it communicates, “l listened. You said tulips make you happy, and because I love you and want to contribute to your happiness, I’ll buy you some!” It is that simple and yet, my husband did not understand. And I know he is not alone; a lot of husbands don’t understand either. Some are naturals, but others need a little push (though I don’t want to be too pushy or too demanding. I don’t want my husband to feel forced at all, I want it to come from him because he wants to, not because I told him to.) But I realize that I should have told him more clearly instead of saying it in the hope he would catch it; hoping that he would think the idea came from himself. Men can’t guess what women need. Men need concrete, detailed information! Telling my husband while looking in his eyes would have been the best way to communicate my desire. I know I must communicate my needs more clearly, and my husband must be more attentive and willing to meet them. We both need to work on things in our marriage like any other couple.

My husband is just not good at gifting. I am the opposite; I love to give gifts. It comes naturally for me and I always put a lot of thought into it. It needs to be the right gift because I want it to touch the person I am giving it to… However, when my husband does bring me a gift, I appreciate his effort very much, because I know it was hard for him. I have to accept that he can’t be perfect at everything. And that’s totally okay, because he is still an active participant in my happiness, and he makes me feel special in other ways. He often takes me out to eat at a restaurant for example. He writes me notes on the mirror, or sometimes he buys fresh donuts for breakfast on Sundays… I appreciate everything he is doing to provide me with the best life he can offer me even if it does not include frequent gifts! I am very grateful for the man he is; he is the best gift I could ever receive! Better than tulips!

Women just like (and need) to feel special for no reason. Whether it is flowers, a date at the restaurant, or chips and salsa…every husband should want to make his wife feel loved and cared for because “wifehood” needs to be celebrated! It is not the gift that counts; it is the gesture; the thoughtfulness, the love behind the action. “True giving from the heart is an expression of love.” – Cara Stein –

So, if you are a man and you are reading this, do not wait for a special occasion or an apology to come home with flowers, a gift or to plan something special for your wife. Do not wait for her to beg for it either. Be creative and celebrate her today by doing something you know she will appreciate. Show you care about her and that you love her every day, not just on Valentine’s day or her birthday…

 

“If I were to get flowers, I would prefer they be just because I’m loved, not an occasion.” – Gina –

“I like when he brings me flowers for no reason, just to show that he loves me. It makes me feel beautiful and loved.” – Nadin –

“Why should he bring me flowers? Because he knows for no special occasion they would lift my heart, bring a smile to my day.” – Louann –

“When my husband buys me flowers it touches my heart because it lets me know that he thought of me.” – Natalie – 

“When my husband gifts me flowers, it touches my heart. It is a cute way to prove he loves me” – Aurore –

“What I prefer is chips and salsa from my favorite restaurant. But when I am thought of by him with any gesture, it fills a spot in my soul that makes me feel like he’s still thinking of me. He still longs for me and that he longs for me to know that he cares for me.” – Angie –

“To me, flowers or any gift means I am his cherished wife and that I hold a special place in his heart. I feel loved and appreciated for who I am not only as a wife but as a woman. It is a very sensitive gesture that I appreciate immensely.” – Claire –

“I feel loved the most when my husband does something for me unexpectedly” – Diana –

“I love flowers but prefer plants. My husband just bought me a violet plant. It makes me realize that he does listen to me when I’m reminiscing about the beautiful violets I had at our old house.” – Sally –

“I feel loved the most when my husband listens to my desires and provides me with what I wished for even when he does not want to.” – Cathie –

“Flowers are such a simple way for a husband to say “I see you and I appreciate you.” That act of thoughtfulness is like having a sunny day after a week of rain.” – Kayla –