Sex & Purity

By ANGELIQUE VACCARO

Why is it so hard to talk about sex? I never understood that. I believe that the more informed we are, the better. And the more we know, the more we can teach about it to the next generations. Unfortunately, many churches do not teach about sex and parents are embarrassed to talk about it with their children. The world then takes on this responsibility and takes advantage of the innocence of our children to influence, manipulate, and confuse them… This is the perfect opportunity to introduce them to a distorted and immoral sexuality that they believe is true. If we let this happen, our children will never understand what true love is and will become broken adults with no understanding of real intimacy. Sadly, many teenagers or young adults fall in the enemy’s traps, they are being seduced and give themselves away for the sake of love but realize too late that it is in fact a game and a big lie.    

“I remember when I was a teenager, I had a lot of questions. I was very curious and wanted to know why sex was only meant for adults. I was raised Catholic and received a Christian education but sexuality was always a taboo topic at home. My parents were not open about it at all, sex was viewed as dirty and forbidden before marriage. I only learned that boys were predators and girls were seducers. Unwanted pregnancies outside a marriage was viewed a shameful thing in my family and I sure did not want this to happen to me. But I did not understand why this thing that everyone seemed to enjoy so much was such a bad thing.

In middle school, I always hung out with boys and I quickly got exposed to various things I did not know about. When I asked my mother about a word I heard the boys say, she told me to look in the dictionary. This was the day I knew I could never have a real conversation with her. I did not bother ask her any more questions, and received my “sexual education” from the boys at school. I thought that sex meant love, that because I talked about it openly with boys, they would love me. But it quickly escalated and I found myself in situations I should have never been in. Boys started to slap my behind, they tried to put their fingers between my legs, they asked me to sit on their laps; they masturbated in class and told me to look under the table as to pick up a pen or something they dropped on the floor… I was so desperate for love, I would do almost anything to be loved until a boyfriend I dated when I was 15, forced me to touch and stroke his penis. I was disgusted, it was the first time I was exposed to male genitals so close and thought I was going to throw up. I felt dirty and I kept thinking about what my father would think of me if he found out. I was very ashamed and so confused. But I thought my boyfriend would leave me or make fun of me if I kept refusing so I did it anyway. Then I was sure the next time I would be with him and said no, he would rape me. This is when I realized it was going too far and that sex was very different from love. I wanted to feel close to him, I wanted an emotional connection that obviously was not there. I thought that maybe love would follow if I did everything he wanted me to do but I was wrong. And I wanted to save myself for my husband so I knew really well that this relationship was not good. Once I refused to go further, he left me. Thankfully, nothing else happened to me!” – Kim, 31 –

“Many girls or women think they need to be sexual in order to attract men. We need to warn our sons not to emulate the predatory spirit of the men in the culture. We need to openly discuss these issues with our sons and daughters and counter the culture’s influences with God’s truths.” – Jim Anderson, Unmasked –

Most parents don’t know how to approach their kids about sexuality. They set up rules without explaining the real reason why. They say no and forbid, they want to protect their daughters from rape or unwanted pregnancies but they do not warn them about what could happen to their heart or their future. Parents need to go beyond teaching only sexual prohibitions and teach them God’s ways and boundaries. They must teach them about true love and purity. When teenagers come to their parents with questions, parents don’t know how to react, they feel embarrassed and don’t really explain things… It should be natural to talk about sex, because it is part of life, sex is natural! Parents need to make themselves a safe place for their children so they will want to come to them with their questions. If parents are not comfortable talking about it with their kids, then who will? Kids will go look for answers elsewhere and most of the time, it is not in the right places. If pornography becomes their teacher, that is the most devastating example kids can have of love and sexuality. They think that what pornography shows them is how sex should be, and they use porn as a reference or a model to follow. Then they have “porn sex” and realize too late that this is not love, that this is not how it is supposed to be! They come out of these relationships confused and completely broken.

Our culture openly claims that sex is about doing whatever we want, with whomever we want, and with as many people we want. It emphasizes the physical and misses out on the deep spiritual connection from sex that we should experience. Everything and anything is allowed; there are no boundaries or morals. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God… For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity but in sanctification.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7) Society portrays sex as the central experience of life, twists it, and makes it something completely different from its true purpose. People say they don’t need love to have sex, they can follow their emotions and desires. If they feel like it, if they feel ready, they just do it and don’t think of possible consequences. Sex has become an idol and sexual pressure is everywhere. Innocence is gone. Purity is viewed as a shameful thing. Saving ourselves for marriage is mocked. It is considered old-fashioned and if we do not have sexual experiences, we are a closed-minded, “religious” person. 

Sex links a person to another, not only bodily, but also heart and soul. This is why it is meant for marriage. Sex is sacred. It is not just physical, it is binding; it’s an emotional connection that brings a husband and his wife to oneness. Mark 10:9 says: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” God is not against sex, but He created it in the context of marriage for true intimacy involving body, soul, and spirit oneness. Marriage provides a secure environment protected by love and commitment, a covenant that allows spouses to truly express sex as God designed it to be expressed. There is nothing more beautiful (and fun) than discover our sexuality together as a married couple. Marriage is a safe place where spouses are not being compared, judged or ridiculed for their performance or level of knowledge. Marriage is a place to grow together, to flourish and enjoy all the gifts God has in store for us! 

Parents, educators and churches must help teenagers and young adults to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit instead of the voice of the world. They need to develop true relationships with them, answer their questions and teach them to honor and respect themselves and others. They must teach boys and girls about true love and how to discern the enemy’s efforts to destroy it. They must lead them to live in purity as Jesus and biblical wisdom teaches and understand the sacred purpose of sexuality and intimacy in marriage. They need to implant these truths in their hearts, so they can be a model to others. 

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.” (Philippians 1:9-10)